The Quick Fox Jumped Over The Dog And Gave Him A Nose Bleed
by SecretAgentMushroom
Summary: The host club decides on a snow themed day with appropriate costumes. The twins are evil. Kyoya nearly dies of embarrassment, and Tamaki is soooo turned on.
In Kyoya's line of work, it was only natural that a considerable amount of danger was to be expected. After all, no one had ever said the life of a host club vice president would be easy. This meant that his 'job' included the following daunting tasks:

Dealing with fragile and highly expensive prices of crockery and furniture,

Damage control during and after the Hitachin twins' alternating modes of brotherly love (ensuring no one lost **too** much blood and having the floor cleaned afterwards) and brotherly civil war(restoring the club room from looking like a warzone)

Managing the, quite frankly, **alarming** expenditure on confectioneries for a tiny (honestly, where does it all **go**?) blond, and

Putting up with the various whims of an eccentric, hyper, **loud,** and downright stupid Host King, whose ideas had often gotten the host club into situations that were, to be honest, utterly ridiculous.

Therefore, it would be quite understandable if Kyoya resigned from his post on the grounds of 'too much bullshit'. Strangely though, the Shadow King of Ouran had decided to stay on. This was mainly due to the aforementioned Host King/ Energizer Bunny. He would never admit it, but the raven haired teen was harboring a not- too- small crush on the idiot.

God, what was he doing with his life?

Which is the question he asked himself now, as he found himself standing in a changing room, about to make a decision that could potentially end in him losing a sizeable chunk of his dignity.

It would seem that this predicament needs a little more explanation.

It all started on a normal day at the host club-

"Haruhi don't drop that rabbit if it explodes there'll be snow everywhere!"

Honestly, it couldn't **be** more normal.

And of course, the shouted command of Hikaru Hitachin startled the girl, causing her to drop the explosive bunny, which inevitably led to the floor being covered with thick, congealing 'snow'. This was due to the fact that the bunny had been **made** of snow. Now, to understand why the Host Club possessed a combustible snow bunny, we would need to go back to the very beginning of club hours...When the Host Club had decided that today would be snow themed and that **they** would be the ones decorating the room this time. Oh joy.

For this occasion, they had decided to use thick (and horrendously sticky) foam spray instead of snow to decorate the room. And so, there were now large fluffy mounds of snow heaped around the room, and foam animals (yes, including bunnies) stationed in the corners. The chandelier had been draped with long sticky strands of the stuff. The usual vibrant decor had been replaced with shades of pristine white and midnight blue and artificial blue roses addorned the vases on the tables.

Kyoya had to admit, it did look rather beautiful, but unfortunately, the foam was a nightmare dressed like a day dream*. It was extremely difficult to handle, and if dropped onto practically any surface, it would break apart, going from stiff and semi-solid to sticky, wet and **messy** in the span of a few seconds. This of course, meant that all hell broke loose even before the guests arrived, and in a few minutes, the floor was sticky with foam and more than one host found themselves sporting clumps of fake snow on their uniform.

The general mayhem continued for a while, until Kyoya had ordered that everyone get their shit together, as they were opening soon.

And so, in the next minute, in the haphazard way that the hostclub usually did things, Mori had pulled Honey out of a pile of snow into which he seemed to have disappeared, Haruhi scurried off to find a replacement bunny, the twins had ended their snowball fight, Tamaki had done his best to not get any **more** snow on his clothes, and the club room had been cleaned and decorated to the best of their ability.

And then came the part that would truly make today a living hell: the costumes.

They had all agreed to dress up as white animals for the occasion. The twins had, of course, designed the costumes, and seemed especially gleeful about Haruhi's and Kyoya's. While Haruhi simply didn't notice, Kyoya couldn't shake off the feeling of impending doom. He would soon find out why.

The costumes were all made of fake leather and fur. Tamaki was wearing large fluffy boots and a ridiculously huge tail, the twins sported matching white Siamese cat costumes, Mori had a somewhat tight striped shirt and pants to make him look like a(n extremely toned) tiger, and Honey looked adorable in a fluffy white rabbit costume. Then Haruhi walked out dressed as a mouse in a fluffy coat and boots, with large paws and rounded ears, and Tamaki, Hikaru and Kaoru spontaneously combusted. Now it was Kyoya's turn.

He tried his best to ignore the grins the twins were shooting him, and walked into the changing room. Only a few minutes later, when he saw the costume, did the full force of the twins' plan hit him.

No way. He was not wearing this.

Almost as if on cue, he heard Hikaru's voice. "Kyooooooooya sempai, are you done changing?"

Kyoya was not amused.

"I am not amused."

He could hear the twins sniggering outside the room.

"We had a feeling you might not cooperate. So we decided to give you a little incentive."

A small piece of paper was slipped into the room under the door.

Kyoya picked it up, flipped it over,... and felt his stomach twist into a knot. Shit.

It was a photograph. A photograph of Tamaki and Kyoya. The blond was lying among a rumpled mess of blankets and sleeping peacefully, while his best friend ...was kissing him. Kyoya cursed under his breath. The one time. The one time he had plucked up the courage to kiss Tamaki, when he had been sure his friend would not find out, which was probably illegal, now that he thought about it, and the **twins** had been there?!

Shit. SHIT.

"If you don't wear the costume we worked so hard to prepare, we're afraid we'll have to show that picture to Tono. And dont bother ripping it up. We made copies." The absolutely **delighted** voice in which this statement had been delivered made Kyoya's blood boil.

"You. Little. Bastards."

The twins sniggered and walked looked at the accursed costume and sighed.

Choice1. Wear the costume and experience 'death by fangirls'

Choice2. Let the twins show the picture to Tamaki, and watch his best friend be disgusted at him.

It was quite clear what his choice was going to be. That didn't mean he had to like it.

 ** _Outside the changing room_**

"I can't wait to see Kyo chan's costume!"

"Hnn."

Tamaki smiled. "I'm sure Mommy will look wonderful!"

The twins smirked. "Oh we're **sure** you'll enjoy his costume, Tono."

Tamaki looked confused, "hmm?"

Just then, the doors to the changing rooms opened. Everyone turned to see...and froze.

Kyoya Ootori stood there, with a faint hint of crimson on his cheeks. He was wearing a fur collar, a white leather vest, **shorts** , and white, knee-high leather boots. He had furry white fingerless gloves and a huge white tail. The Shadow King of Ouran...was dressed as a fox. A sexy fox.

The others were speechless for a moment, even the had expected the costume to be humiliating, but this was different. Kyoya looked...hot. The white clothes accentuated his pale skin, and stood out sharply against his black hair and grey eyes.

After an agonizingly silent minute, Honey exclaimed, "Kyo chan, you look adorable!"

Haruhi was still a bit wide-eyed. "You actually do, Kyoya sempai."

Mori nodded.

The twins chuckled and said, "wow, never thought it'd look this good.", causing Kyoya to shoot them a glare that had probably made grown men cry in the past.

Tamaki stayed silent. His face had a gone a deep shade of red.

"U-um, we should open, don't you think?"

Kyoya shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah..."

He walked over to the large double doors, which was a mistake, as turning his back to them gave away exactly how tight the shorts were. Tamaki nearly fainted.

"Everyone, take your positions."

A few minutes later, a stream of girls rushed into the club room. They simultaneously awwwed at Haruhi, fainted over the sight of Tamaki and the twins, ogled Mori in his torso hugging costume and rushed to hug Honey until he turned blue.

And then they spotted Kyoya.

For the next hour, the poor boy was assaulted by a swarm of excited can girls who were alternately trying to stem near-fatal nosebleeds, telling him how adorable he looked, and, god help him, **touching his tail.**

Kyoya wanted to sink into the floor and die.

XxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxX

Tamaki Suoh was not often at a loss for words. The boy was a verbal freight train, with an uncanny ability to go on and on about any topic, at any given time,anywhere and with anyone. He had no trouble socialising or starting a conversation. But there were a few, very rare moments (usually brought about by the antics of the host club) when he was absolutely out of his element. This was one of those moments.

Club hours were over, the twins, Mori, Honey and Haruhi had all left, and he was alone with Kyoya. Usually, he was pleased with being alone with his best friend. And that would have been the case now, had his best friend not been currently **bending over** to pick up a book he had dropped, while wearing shorts **that should be illegal** , with his back toward Tamaki.

Honestly, Kyoya in those shorts would **end** him.

Kyoya finally stopped with the mental torture he was unintentionally inflicting on Tamaki and stood back up. He then proceeded to walk over to the couch which Tamaki was streched out on. Tamaki nearly fell off when Kyoya rested one knee on the couch, looming over him. The raven haired teen reached across his friend, and Tamaki realised he was trying to draw the curtains. When he couldnt reach, however, Kyoya actualled **jumped** onto the couch onto Tamaki's outstretched legs. Unfortunately for Tamaki's mental stability, this resulted in Kyoya practically sitting in Tamaki's lap, with his torso arched over the back of the couch, trying to reach the string of the curtains. And Tamaki's nose exploded, but, as in most anime, Kyoya didn't notice even though he was right on top of him.

Was Kyoya **trying** to drive him insane?

When the boy finally succeeded in drawing the curtains, and was about to get off, Tamaki's mind finally went _'to_ _ **hell**_ _with sanity'_ and he pulled Kyoya down onto him, making him yelp in surprise.

Kyoya propped himself up onto his elbows...and found Tamaki's face a few inches away from his own. He nearly fell off, but Tamaki's arm was there, around his waist, supporting him. The blond had an almost hungry look in his eyes.

"Do you exactly how hard it's been to control myself today?"

"Um...what-"

But he was cut off by Tamaki's lips on his, and Tamaki's hand cupping his face, and oh god Tamaki was kissing him and Kyoya's mind was going ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodwhatthehell and his arms turned into jelly and he fell onto Tamaki's chest and the blond's arms wrapped around Kyoya's waist and Kyoya lay there in his freaking ridiculous leather and fur outfit looking like a puppy that wanted to be part of a boy band, and he kissed Tamaki back.

Outside the door, the rest of the host club breathed out a collective "finally", and everyone lived happily ever after.

Except for the twins; they may or may not have recieved a late night visit from the Ootori police force.


End file.
